Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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