I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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