Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
