i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
