I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
