It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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