Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
