We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
