i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
