I think my vagina is haunted
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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