Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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