so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
