I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
