I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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