dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
