If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
