Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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