Are we in a gay sports bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ambien. No doubt about it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
