Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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