Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
