Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
