He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
