She even gives head with a lisp.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
