The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
