I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
