if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
