My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
