God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
