i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
