You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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