u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
