Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
