May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So here I am, sexting at work.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
