WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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