Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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