Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
