So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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