Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
