There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
