the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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