Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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