So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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