you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
