I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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