New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Boobs speak an international language.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
