I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
