Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
