pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
another moral hangover. fuck.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
