No stitches, just platelets and will power
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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