he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
