A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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