It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
