We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
