Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
