So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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