i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
