Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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