So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
