I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
