Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
