Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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