bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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