That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
