I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
