what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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