the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
