dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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