i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
