I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
