I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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