You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
