since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vagina is officially offended.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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