If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
