I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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