We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
