Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize