he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
