And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize