what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
