I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
