Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
worst night to have a conscience
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
