I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
