A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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