i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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