I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
