Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
