Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
