i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize