mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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