It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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