Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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